Nick Stokes is So Manly
by BIGGERimagination
Summary: A Response to a Challenge given by my best friend. Heels? Dresses? Sofia and a Samurai sword? Disneyland! some snickers


LIFE as a SHIRT's Titanic Challenge

-Must contain someone slapping someone else

-Must contain some visit to the mental hospital

-Must contain someone dressing in drag to work

-Must contain Sofia and a lethal weapon.

-Snickers action. Of course.

A/N: Challenge given to me by one of my Best Friends. Totally random. Don't know where it came from.

Disclaimer: Don't Own CSI, Kill Bill etc.

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**So Manly**

My heels clicked every step of the way. It echoed against the deep, dark corridors of the Mental Institution. Of all things, why am I, Nick Stokes, wearing heels you may ask? Well, ever since the accident, Sofia has had this obsession with women. Every time she saw a man she would scream for her Hatori Hanzo sword as if she were The Bride from Kill Bill. I never knew it was possible, but one day she did get a handle of one of the swords and things went haywire after that.

Let's go back to the very beginning shall we?

_It all started two years ago. Sofia and I were working on a case up in Henderson. She was still sane, and worked ever so diligently. We were processing the scene when a woman ran by screaming, "I MUST KILL BILL! I MUST!" then Sofia's expression changed. She was dazed like she just saw a ghost and she whispered to me, "Nick, I must Kill. Bill." Then she ran after the woman. Faster than any woman could ever run. Then she looked back at me and screamed. "BILL! BILL! I MUST KILL BILL!" I have no idea where she got a samurai sword be she started chasing me with it. I immediately called the radio._

_"Help! I need back-up! I have a deranged psychopath CSI chasing me!"_

_At that moment Sofia grabbed me by the scruff and looked at me in the eye._

_"Do you think I am crazy, Bill?"_

_"Honestly, yes. Sofia you have gone psychotic." She slapped me. Hard._

_"Don't worry, Bill. I will kill you soon enough. Just in time. Good thing you called your little friends." And with that, she ran off. Brass came up and watched Sofia run at lightning speed._

_"What the hell just happened?!" Brass asked pulling up in his squad car._

_"Sofia pulled a Kill Bill act on me!" I yelled at him._

_Brass sighed. "I knew her condition would come back eventually."_

_I looked at him confused. "Condition?"_

_"Sofia is very unstable when it comes to Samurai Swords. Ever since she has seen Kill Bill, she wants to Kill Bill herself. She is deranged. I guess she stopped taking her medicine. Every man she sees is now Bill. She will be brought back to the mental hospital in a few hours. Just let her run for now."_

So here I am, wearing my wife's heels and skirt, partially feeling like I should be in the mental institution myself. But hey, if this is what I have to do to visit her every so often, I guess it's worth it.

"Daddy. Mom wants her shoes back."

"Sofia? Why do you sound a lot like…?"

"Daddy, Mom said we can go home. She said to wake up."

"Why are you talking like-"

"DAD! WAKE UP!"

My eyes jolted open. I looked down to a very adorable 4 year old with brown curly pigtails smiling wide at me. "Mommy said she needs those shoes back."

"Nick, I need those shoes back." Sara said looking at the shoes on my feet. I looked down at what I was wearing.

"Would anyone like to explain why I'm wearing a dress?"

"My dress to be exact. Do you mind taking it off Mr. Drag Queen?" Her face was serious and I knew I was stretching it out.

"Yo, Nick man. Didn't think that pink was your color." Warrick said smirking as he walked into the break room.

"Alena, can you tell me why Daddy is wearing a dress?"

"You were playing dress-up with me Dad. Then Mr. Grissom made your cell phone go off. And then you went to the crime scene like that which I think was pretty silly of you."

"Where's Sofia?"

"Didn't you hear babe?" Sara said as she slid next to me on the couch. "She's at the mental institution."

Woah. Did that really happen? Maybe the dress cut off too much circulation.

Never again, will I allow my child to put me in some kind of torturous situation of wearing women's clothing.

"Hey babe, were going to Disneyland next week for Alena's birthday remember?" Sara said hugging my waist.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." With that she kissed me on the cheek then left. And then it suddenly clicked what Disneyland does to grown men.

I was going to be walking around carrying a pink wand, pink crown, and most likely some frilly pink tutu to go with it.

God, please save me.


End file.
